"Hayride to Hell" [2023]

by Joseph Perry and Mike Imboden

In our “The Good, the Bad, and the Verdict” film reviews, Joseph and Mike give their thoughts on a slice of cinema. For this installment, it’s horror/comedy Hayride to Hell by Dan Lantz and Impulse-FX.

Synopsis

Small-town farmer Sam (Bill Moseley) exacts his bloody revenge on unscrupulous town folk who try to steal his land (including Allyson Malandra as the town’s mayor and Brooke Stacy Mills and Shelby Hightower as her two assistants), and the local sheriff (Kane Hodder), who plain doesn’t like him.

The Good

Joseph: If you’re in the mood for a Halloween-themed slayfest, Hayride to Hell should do the trick. The film has a “Let’s put on a show!” energy to it, which keeps it entertaining for a variety of reasons, some of which I list below.

Mike: Bill Mosely and Kane Hodder? Sign me up! No, seriously - sign me up. Two of horror’s modern legends chewing up scenery in a Halloween-themed flick sounds like a good way to spend an hour and a half. If you go into Hayride to Hell with the right mindset (that being don’t expect a whole lot) you’ll emerge from the ride with a smile on your face. Moseley plays the disgruntled haunt owner/farmer with a gleeful and sadistic charm while Hodder leans into his role as the corrupt sheriff with gusto.

While a bit preposterous (see next section), the hellish hayride contains some pretty cool set pieces and tosses a bit of other sub-genres into the mix (like torture porn, slashers, and so on). The use of some ghillie suits provides some rather fun moments as well.

The Bad

Joseph: You’re going to have to really stretch your willing suspension of disbelief to its limits with Hayride to Hell, and you won’t need to put on your thinking cap to watch it, either. Just a few cases in point: Farmer Sam’s beefs with the locals, from officials to neighbors, are — I would imagine — nothing that purveyors of holiday-themed rural attractions, from haunted hayrides to Christmas tree farms to cornfield mazes don’t normally deal with. Yes, the officials are portrayed as nasty types abusing their power, but having to pay back a loan and needing to hire traffic control for an event don’t seem like strong enough reasons to send a person into spree-killer mode. Plus, how do you get an entire group of seasonal employees to be complicit in multiple murders, especially in such a short period of time? And why kill one of those employees for stealing money when you could have simply fired her years ago rather than rehiring her year after year? The list goes on, but you get the picture by now. Also, the acting ranges from decent to serviceable to corny.

Mike: I hate spoilers so I need to tread lightly here, but… come on, man. There’s suspension of disbelief and then there’s Hayride to Hell. To say that you need to throw out all common sense when trying to take in the proceedings is an understatement. I can dig why Farmer Sam went off the deep end (a beloved dog is involved and you know what happens when you @#$% with someone’s dog), but everyone else being in on Sam’s shenanigans just sort of jumps the shark called believability.

The Verdict

Joseph: Fans of Halloween season haunted hayrides, haunted houses, and similar attractions should get an extra kick out of Hayride to Hell. Viewers who are in the mood for simply a series of kills should be entertained, too. If you’re in the mood for a Halloween horror movie you haven’t seen before, Hayride to Hell should be worth a shot.

Mike: Hayride to Hell is a fun movie, that much is for sure. Is it harder to swallow than one of Farmer Sam’s candy apples? I guess that depends on your state of mind going into the film - I personally took the ride after receiving some rather bad news, so the total escapism was probably what I needed to clear my mind. Your mileage may vary.