by Joseph Perry and Mike Imboden
In our “The Good, the Bad, and the Verdict” film reviews, Joseph and Mike give their thoughts on a slice of cinema. For this installment, it’s Cryptids, an anthology film co-produced by Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger.
Synopsis
Major Harlan Dean, host of radio talk show “The Truth Serum”, decides to tackle the topic of cryptozoology on tonight’s episode. But as the phone lines light up and the calls come in, each caller’s stories become increasingly more bizarre and Harlan starts to question if real dangers are lurking outside the station.
The Good
Joseph: Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot to say here. For as much as I liked Justin M. Seaman’s and Zane Hershberger’s The Barn and The Barn II, Cryptids was quite disappointing to me. I enjoyed the wraparound concept of a late-night radio show discussing the paranormal, and the practical effects were mostly well crafted. The few cryptid creature designs we get show their budgetary limitations but are rather fun.
Mike: Being an anthology, Cryptids has the luxury and benefit of having multiple voices guide it along and provides the viewer with a variety of stories, styles, and scares to appease their desires. There’s a fairly even amount of comedy mixed in with the horror for those that like their frights a bit funny. For those gorehounds out there, rest assured — there’s enough decent practical effects of ripped, torn, and mangled flesh to satisfy you. The acting within is a mix of passable and good with Sable (The Barn, The Barn II) Griedel (from the opening segment) being the most memorable.
Speaking of acting talent, despite his lack of it (which is more than made up for with charisma), it’s always a treat to see Joe Bob Briggs outside of his role as a movie host. With Briggs being practically horror royalty having guided numerous folks into the world of horror back in the days of MonsterVision in the late 90s (and currently on Shudder’s “The Last Drive”), there’s a built-in audience when he’s included in a project. And — again, despite the lack of acting chops — Briggs does a great job bringing the movie’s wraparound star, radio host Major Harlan Dean, to life.
The Bad
Joseph: When your anthology movie is titled Cryptids, it seems reasonable to expect that the first story should involve, well, cryptids. Instead, we get a retread-feel display of backwoods hillbilly horror and not an unusual animal in sight. Thankfully, we do get some sasquatch action, the Loveland Frogman and a couple of other legendary beasts, but we are also presented with stories more of the urban legend type, making the film’s title deceptive and leaving me disappointed. With a few exceptions, the humor was either corny or fell flat — and because humor is subjective, other viewers may disagree, naturally — and much of the acting was unimpressive, to put it diplomatically.
Mike: This is not a very good movie. Usually anthologies are a mix of good, average, and bad due to the fact that they generally conform to the “something for everyone” mindset. Cryptids, however, doesn’t have much of a mix, consisting mainly of segments that fall into the “bad” category. This can be blamed partly on the fact that the majority of the stories lean much more heavily towards being more “urban legend” than that of being about cryptids, at least insofar as one would expect. Sure, there’s a bigfoot sighting here, some chupacabras, and even The Good, The Bad, and The Verdict’s second visit with the Loveland Frogman — but there are also aliens and in-bred mountain folk. Mainly, though, the fault lies squarely at the feet of Seaman and Hershberger, which really makes little sense because for every bit as bad as this is, The Barn and The Barn II were very good. Perhaps it’s because this thing gestated for something like a decade. Whatever the case, the premise just didn’t live up to the execution.
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The Verdict
Joseph: I had been excited when Cryptids was announced some years ago, but alas, the long wait was not worth it, in my opinion. That’s not easy for me to type because — as I have mentioned — I enjoy Seaman’s and Hershberger’s previous work. I look forward to their next effort, hoping that this one was just a hiccup. It pains me to say that I can only recommend Cryptids to the most ardent of creature feature completists.
Mike: With stories that seem more like they’d be at home in episodes of the 90’s anthology tv show Monsters and less like encounters with the creatures that fans of cryptids may be expecting, Cryptids may end up being a disappointment that can’t be saved by some nice practical effects or the presence of horror luminary Joe Bob Briggs as the star of the wraparound segments.
Cryptids, from Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger, screened as part of GenreBlast Film Festival 2023, which ran August 31–September 2, 2023, in Winchester, Virginia. For more information, visit https://www.genreblast.com/.
Directed By: Various
Written By: Various
Starring: Joe Bob Briggs
Run Time: 1h 25m
Rating: NR
Release Date: 2024 (scheduled)
There was no trailer available at the time of our review